Mythological Missions
by Speedy Speck
Summary: When Tifa drags her boyfriend to a museum, the pair end up getting cursed and forced to go on a mission to free both themselves and an artefact's inhabitant...Three chapter fic...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'
1. Chapter 1: The Slating of Statues

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: Sixty-First Fanfic! Slight AU...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane...PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :)

**Chapter One: The Slating of Statues**

The clacking sound of footsteps against the softly polished, ash wooden floor, echoed lightly around the vast, open space of The Fitzwilliam museum's Ancient Rome section, in which both the brunette and her boyfriend had been pottering about in for the past thirty minutes.

Tifa had tried to insist on viewing the Museum's displays in the order imprinted upon the back of a promotional leaflet, which she'd picked up in the entrance hall, but of course, the red head was having none of it, and instead decided to stroll off in any random direction, forcing the young woman to follow him in the fear he might get lost, or the more likely; in trouble, without her and in turn they'd ended up in many a different section, already finding their way around Medieval Armoury and Contemporary Gaian Sculptures.

Although the brunette had been both fascinated and intrigued by them, neither displays had seemed to have any effect on Reno, other than bringing up a moody bout of complaining restlessness within the red head.

After staring at a rather large, and particularly well restored mosaic of Apollo, the Sun God for a while, Reno gave a deeply exaggerated huff of bored impatience and proceeded to launch into a speech about how mosaics where only made by people who couldn't draw and that it was a waste of good pottery, but when Tifa began to point out the fact they didn't break already finished works to create the pieces of glass or stone, she was cut off with a rather loud wail from the red head.

A red hue quickly appeared upon the brunette's pale cheeks as she looked around in embarrassment, and although they appeared to be alone on the floor, she still insisted upon pressing one of her slender fingers firmly upon the young Turk's parted lips and hissing out a rather annoyed; ''Shhhh!''

Reno's body slummed down in a sort of tired apology, but the moment she lowered her finger, he immediately started back up, ''Why did you drag me to this snore-fest Tif?''

''What are you talking about?'' The brunette couldn't withhold both the angry confusion and the befuddled amusement from her voice, ''You agreed to come here!...In fact you choose to!''

* Flashback *

Tifa slumped herself down next to her Turk boyfriend, who was currently slouched out on her large, brown suede sofa, his legs propped up upon the coffee table and his eyes glued to the screen, which flashed brightly coloured images, whilst also blaring out various crashes and screams as a particular favourite of his; Buffy the Vampire Slayer, played out upon the network.

The brunette sighed with a hint of amusement, as she observed Reno's utter engrossment in the program, before beginning to flick through the magazine she'd left on the table now half covered with the red head's feet.

Over the past two weeks, she'd found herself seemingly being cooped up within either the bar or the flat, not out of a suddenly inability to work the door handle, but simply because she'd spend all evening working and then during the day all she'd wanted to do was eat and sleep.

As she scanned her crimson-tinted eyes over the glossy pages filled with everything from gossip, to political news, and not to mention an obnoxious amount of pages completely covered with adverts for both new and old attractions around the city of Edge, she found herself being drawn to a few of the promotions and soon made the decision that going out to one of them would be just the cure for her recent spell cycle of; bar-tending, resting, consuming.

After narrowing down her choices to two; 'Cadbury World' and 'The Fitzwilliam Museum' the young brunette shifting her gaze to the side, where her eyes were soon met with the lounging red head, his aquamarine eyes still seemingly glued to the screen, unblinking and focused.

Tifa gave a small cough before airing her question, voice raised enough to get through to the Turk, but not to loud so as to disrupt his viewing, ''Reno...You free next Tuesday?''

Without even briefly glancing away from the screen, which was now apparently showing a rather pissed of looking slayer and a rather beaten up blonde vampire, he shifted his hand up to her line of sight and raised one digit, giving her a clear thumbs up.

The brunette's pale face lit up immediately, and there was no doubting her overwhelming sense of relief, ''Oh good! Well do you fancy doing something with me? We could go out somewhere?''

Reno gave another 'thumbs up' gesture just as a rather loud bellow boomed out from the Television speakers, leaving a deep rumbling, reverberating within the small, black grid.

Another beaming grin spread over Tifa's face, her hands busily fumbling around with the magazine, quickly bringing it to face the red head, the double spread open and clearly displayed for his viewing, even though the apparatus needed for viewing; the eyes, were still fixed upon the hypnotising images of slayer action.

''Ok Reno, you've got a choice, either we go to-'' She pointed a slender finger at the picture of a white, pristine, marble like building, ''The Fitzwilliam Museum or...'' Her finger switched over to the picture of a large factory, decorated with highlights of purple and brown, ''Cadbury World.''

The red head just gave another, rather enthusiastically distracted thumbs up, which in turn received both a confused and quite irritated grunt from the young woman seated beside him, ''Well which is it? The Museum or the Chocolate factory?''

Reno's brow furrowed slightly, his mind trying desperately to concentrate upon the screen, whilst also attempting to satisfy the young woman whom was intent to receiving an answer to her question and after a short pause he managed to point one of the five fingers already raised, in the direction of one of the two adverts.

The brunette raised two rather surprised eyebrows, before asking with rather more than a hint of curious wonderment, ''You sure?''

There was no pause this time, as the red head proceeded to respond with a quick nod of the head, clearly wanting to get the distracting voice of his girlfriend to be quiet whilst the Scoobies went into research mode.

''Ok, Museum it is.'' Although Tifa was quite obviously baffled by his choice, she decided to ignore it for now and go check the opening times on the internet, after all, why should she care which they went to, either way she got her day out.

Ten minutes later when the program came to it's end with a definitive ''Grr Argh'', the young Turk stretched, allowing a large yawn to wisp out from behind his thin lips, before proceeding to make his way to the kitchen for a snack, smiling proudly to himself, believing he'd managed to watch his beloved show, whilst also pick out curtains with his girlfriend.

_I am a genius..._

* Flashback End *

Reno grimaced slightly at the recollection, and went quickly into defence mode, ''Well...You should know better than to ask me things when Buffy's involved!''

''Hm.'' The brunette looked more than a little unimpressed, but couldn't deny that he did have a point, after all she had been subconsciously aware that his attention had been somewhat elsewhere during their conversation, ''Well we're here now, so why don't we just make the most it it?''

When this received a less than enthusiastic groan from the red head, Tifa decided to try a different tactic, ''Come on Re...I promise we can watch as much slayer action as you like when we get home hm?''

An almost elated grin started to form upon the young Turk's face, before he realised and covered it with a cough, proceeding to reply in a very, over exaggerated tone of tired defeat, ''Ok...I suppose I can get through it...for you.''

* * *

The pair were half way through the display when they came across a rather broken, rather worn, and really rather battered looking statue, with only one thing really intact upon the form; a cornucopia held in one arm, inside which was an array of finely sculptured coins, fruit and flowers, all overflowing down across the stone material.

''Well...he's seen better days...'' The red head had a solitary eyebrow propped up whilst he inspected the item with a genuine disgust, with hints of pity underneath.

Tifa cocked an eyebrow too, but more so out of amusement at her both boyfriend's childlike stupidity but also his lack of observation skills, before muttering quietly, though close enough for him to hear, ''...It's a she Reno.''

True enough on closer inspection, the young Turk found himself staring at rather large, if slightly hole ridden, pair of breasts, ''Oh yeah...''

The brunette leant down slightly to view the small, silver plaque, nailed on the slab, white base upon which the statue stood,

_'Fortuna, the Roman Goddess of good luck and fortune, her eyes were blindfolded to make sure she gave her gifts out completely randomly and impartially. She has also been revealed to represent the __capriciousness of life and fate, when she claimed the lives of Augustus' two hopeful grandsons, educated to take up princely roles. Her father was Jupiter, and though she had no lovers or children of her own, Fortuna was propitiated by mothers.'_

Reno grunted slightly, obviously unconvinced by the plaque's claim, ''Hm...Doesn't look so lucky to me...''

''Well...she is old...'' The brunette was trying her best to sound dignified in her reasoning, but even she couldn't withhold the hint of amusement that had slowly began to creep up on her, the red head's decision to pick a fight with the poor statue both silly, and yet also strangely adorable.

''And she's fat.''

The moment the words left his lips, Tifa quite literally burst out into a fit of childlike giggles, her hand grasping around in thin air for some sort of stable support, which she eventually found in the form of the red head's jacket cuff, and within seconds she was wrapped around him, still giggling merrily, whilst a proud, almost cocky smirk played across the young Turk's face.

Though unfortunately for the pair, their cheery mood didn't last for much longer, as without any warning or understanding, a bright, almost blindingly white flash, shot seemingly from the statues hidden eyes and bathed them in such a pure, incandescent light, that both were unable to see one another any more, the only assurance that they where both still together, was the fact they were still clinging onto each other, though now for dear life, rather than amused support.

The light disappeared as quickly as it had been created, through when it left, it didn't leave them in the same place they had started, but instead, when both the crimson-tinted, and aquamarine eyes adjusted once again, the pair found themselves in an almost completely empty, seemingly floor-less, wall-less and ceiling-less space.

One side of Reno's face lifted, contorting slightly in a confused sort of grimace, ''Well that was weird...you sure those welcome cookies at the entrance weren't...funny?''

''Reno...''

''What?'' The red spun around to face his girlfriend, whom now stood a metre from him, their touch being slightly separated by the transportation.

''Oh my Shin-Ra!'' It would have been an understatement to say his jaw dropped at the sight he had been directed to behold.

There, in front of him, stood his girlfriend, on long, toned legs, the only problem was, there were four of them, and where her once petite feet had been, now was home to four, beautifully dangerous looking hooves, but that was only the start of it; every inch of her skin up to her torso was covered in a glossy, chestnut shaded coat, her lower body elongated in width and completely transformed into what looked like the muscled, smooth body of a horse, and when she shifted in place, a long, daring untangled tail could be seen, the strands of thick, coarse hair wisping about with the rise and fall of the young...woman's emotions.

After a few minutes of only managing to give a mass of floundering fish impressions, Reno got out a few stuttered words, ''You're a...you're a...''

The brunette stamped an angry, confused hoof down upon the invisible floor, salty tears threatening to overspill and prickle down her pale cheeks, ''An ugly fatty, with a big ass?''

''Well, I was just gunna go with Centaur...but whatever floats your boat babe.''

''Don't call me that...I'm not a babe!''

Reno's eyebrows raised ever so slightly as he gave a confidently calm shrug, ''Well maybe not a babe...but still...it could be worse...''

''It is! Have you even seen yourself?''

''Huh?'' It was then that the red head turned his aquamarine gaze upon his own form, and soon found himself viewing a rather unfamiliar, and rather furry new version of himself.

He too appeared to have gained hooves, though much to his own relief, he only had two, though his legs also had become coated with hair, though again, his slightly differing from the brunette's, in the form of a much rougher, grittier texture, and a much more orangey shade of red.

Over the course of a few more seconds, he continued to inspect himself, finding along the way, a smaller, ever so slightly curled tail, a short, spiky red beard and a pair of small, though still quite sharp horns growing out from underneath his flame red locks, replacing the spot where his goggles usually sat.

He didn't seem to bothered by the alterations in his form and instead gave a half gently surprised, half softly amused sigh, ''Would you look at that...''

Tifa on the other hand didn't seem to be in the same frame of mind as her now, not so Turk-like boyfriend, ''See, you've been transformed into some sort of-''

The half goat form of Reno flashed a playful smirk at his girlfriend, whilst his tail twirled about enthusiastically, ''Sexy beast?''

''No!...a small...bearded...fat...half goat!''

The red head trotted over to her, his form ever so slightly wobbling as he got used to walking upon the flattening, clacking hooves, ''I beeeliiivvveee you mean S-A-T-Y-R.''

Tifa looked down at him with both indignation and shock, ''How can you be relaxed about this! We've been kidnapped and transformed into a pair of mythological monsters!''

It was then that a loud, rather squeaky sounding voice reverberating around the impossible room, ''Well it serves you right!''


	2. Chapter 2: A Difficult Journey Indeed

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: Chapter Two!...PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :)

**Chapter Two: A Difficult Journey Indeed**

''Who said that?'' The half-equine brunette whipped her head about the room, obviously expecting to find the voice's owner standing somewhere in view.

Once again the voice echoed from the seemingly invisible form, ''I did.''

Reno raised a rather furry eyebrow and muttered quietly, ''Well that was a lot of help...''

''I won't be so sarcastic if I were you...'' The voice sounded a lot closer this time, though when the hoofed couple looked, the area around them was still completely empty.

Seeing there to be no menacing form, the red head let a confidently, disbelieving smirk spread across his beard surrounded lips, ''Oh really...and what are you gunna do about it exactly...stupid, disembodied voice-OW!''

A sharp, precisely aimed bolt of yellow-white lightning hit Reno's small, curled tail, forcing it to straighten and frizzle like a firework, much to amusement of the voice as it let out a small, self-satisfied chuckle, ''Now...are you ready to behave?''

The satyr gave a small, light huff before grunting rather unconvincingly, ''Suppose...''

Tifa shot her boyfriend an unimpressed glare, just as another lightening strike threatened itself, and added in an honestly agreeing tone, ''Yes we are...''

The voice seemed to brighten up immediately, ''Good! Now I expect you'd like to know why you're here?''

Reno muttered again, though this time, made sure it no more than a hint of a whisper, ''Well duh...''

It seemed to work, as the voice either pretended to or really didn't hear his comment, and continued in its explanation, ''Well I live here...inside the statue that is...though not out of choice...I've been trapped here for centuries!''

The centaur raised a confused eyebrow, ''Ok...so you've been cursed or something right?...Why?''

The invisible speaker seemed somewhat hesitant to reply this time, ''Well... there was this whole thing with me...kinda trying to...'' A cough sounded around them, in an attempt to mask the two words, which were barely audible, but sounded very much like 'Steal it', the cough ceased as the voice continued, its tone raised slightly in want to avoid the previous subject matter, ''But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is I'm stuck here!''

''Right...and what's that got to do with us exactly?'' The brunette sounded somewhat baffled as to why both she and her boyfriend were in their current predicament.

''Well there is a way out of here...just...I can't get to it myself...I've been waiting for someone to come along and fall under the curse to, though obviously somewhat lesser so. See, I tried to...well 'exclusively borrow' the statue and subsequently got turned into a spirit, but you just insulted it, thus you get a slightly more bearable punishment-''

The formless entirely was interrupted by the red headed half-goat, whom seemingly could hold his tongue not longer, as the skin not coated by fur flushed to match its shade, ''Bearable! How is this bearable?''

''Well you can touch, taste, smell! I can't do any of that...it's not exactly brilliant you know.'' The voice ended with a soft sort of sadness, forcing a rather regretful sigh from the satyr.

''I'm sorry...so because of the whole 'comment making' thing...we've been cursed too?'' The question's tone was definitely rhetorical, thus he didn't need to wait for an answer before he grunted at the brunette equine, ''Nice one Tifa...''

''Oi! You're the one that called her fat!''

''Yeah well, you're the one who keeps telling me to be more honest!''

Tifa's lips parted once again in a snarl, but before she could continue in the argument, the voice bellowed out authoritatively, making the impossible room to seemingly shake in response, ''STOP! If you carrying on bickering like this, there won't be hope for any of us!''

Both satyr and centaur shifted back and averted their eyes to the floor, appearing like two naughty siblings being told off by a frustrated parent, and soon the pair were muttering out nervous apologies.

If the voice had a form, no doubt right now it would be raising an eyebrow in unimpressed dissatisfaction, ''Hm. Anyway as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...You two, it seems, in your physical forms can go forth and retrieve the unique Materia created especially as a cure for this curse!''

The proceeding silence that filled the room seemed to signify to the voice that the transformed couple were still quite confused and in need of direction,''...You must go through the door.''

''What door?'' Both Tifa and her goatified boyfriend furrowed there brows in simultaneous, comic puzzlement.

''The one right in front of you!''

The couple lowered their gaze slightly, to find, only a few metres from their grounded hooves, and much to their surprise, a large, rather bright door, the small, thin edges were tinted a forest green, as if some plant life was trying desperately to grow away from its previously root-crowed soil, and yet the entire piece of craved wood seemed to be floating, with no visible room upon the other side.

Reno back off a bit, towards his girlfriend, to whom he muttered concernedly, ''That is freaky...''

The brunette shook her head in disbelief, ''You've been transported inside a statue and transformed into a satyr, yet a magical door is freaky?''

''Now once you step over the threshold, you shall be taken into another world, a world that will be shaped by your subconscious mind, where parts of both your dreams and your real world become mixed...it will be dangerous, so remember keep your wits about you...and-oh do stop bickering...''

The voice sighed in exasperation, as it observed the couple, whom now it seemed had begun chasing one another, the red headed goat attempting to pull on the equine's tail, whilst the brunette was trying desperately to evade his unwanted grasp.

After a few more seconds of running and a couple of painful shocks to both their tails, they haltered in their playful fight and proceeded towards the door, their hooves clacking somewhat harmoniously upon the unseen floor.

Reno and Tifa reached out towards the door knob, simultaneously curling their fingers together around the metallic handle and as they pulled it away from the frame and stepped within, both seemed to share a look and clasped their free hands around one another's, mouthing silently, 'Here it goes...'

* * *

Once the hoofed pair had adjusted from the sudden glare that had greeted their eyes upon entry to their new world, they found themselves on the edge of a rather small hill, overlooking a vast area of woodland, the tops of the trees shimmering with an deep, emerald green radiance, only surpassed in beauty by the flourishing floor of purple buds which littering the soil surrounding each trunk.

Reno trotted forward, his pot-satyr belly pushed out to a comic roundness, ''Well this isn't very creative!''

The brunette turned to her boyfriend with a furrowed brow, confusion playing evidently within her crimson-tinted eyes, ''What do you mean?''

''Well, it just looks like something out of Lord of the Rings...I mean...it's like our minds just copied it...like plagiarism...''

''Well maybe it's your imagination...after all you think chocolates and flowers are a creative valentines gift...'' She was about to raise an amused eyebrow to join her confidently satisfied smirk, when a deep, rumbling growl sounded from her smooth, albeit slightly furry, belly.

It was now seemingly the red head's turn to smirk, ''Hmph... bet you'd like those chocolates now!''

Tifa ignored his comment and took a few uneasy steps towards a near by bush, which it seemed was covered in a unrecognised form of berry, but before the satyr to point out the fact they could be dangerous or nasty, the brunette had devoured the lot, stripping the foliage of all it's produce in a matter of seconds, both impressing and somewhat disgusting the tottered red head.

''Feeling better now?''

The centaur backed away slightly from the bush and flashed Reno a rather hesitant, if not embarrassed smile, ''Sorry just...really hungry for some reason...''

''Well you have grown considerably in size!'' His tone had been one of playful innocence, though his equine girlfriend seemed to take it somewhat as a blatant insult, and soon she was advance on him with stamping hooves.

''What do you mean? Are you saying I'm fat?''

Fear was evidently flashing within the shallows of his aquamarines eyes, as he attempting to back off, his hands held out in some form of defence, ''No! I'm saying you're half horse...''

Noticing his obvious distress and the genuine truth behind his words, she stopped in her hoofed attack, and instead folded her arms, somewhat satisfied she'd made her point.

Reno gave a nervous smile, half relieved, half still unsure, and waved towards the massing wood below, ''Shall we go on then?''

''Yeah...the sooner we get that Materia, the sooner we get back to-Woah!''

The equine had seemingly lost her footing upon the hills bumpy slope and consequently taken a rather rough, painful looking tumble down to its base, where she lay in a crumpled heap.

''Tifa!'' Reno's face was edged with concern, as he trotted quickly down the hill, taking note though not to make the same mistake as his girlfriend, and soon he reached the bottom unscathed though still evidently worried, as he came to rest at the equine's side.

''I'm ok, just a bit shaky is all...ground was a bit uneven...and these..._hooves_...'' She seemed to say the word with some degree of tired annoyance, ''...aren't exactly easy to walk on...they're even worse than those heels I got at-Reno...what are you doing?''

The brunette had shifted her gaze, to find the red headed satyr staring rather intently at her smooth, large, equine backside.

After a few moments he seemed to awaken from his daze and looked up at his girlfriend with a hint of embarrassed bafflement, ''Sorry...just got a sudden urge to-'' His eyes widened slightly as he thought back to his previous imaginings, before averting his gaze to the dry grass below, ''Doesn't matter...''

Tifa tried her best to hold back a snort, and instead raised an unconvinced, yet slightly amused eyebrow, ''I think it's time to find that cure hm?''

* * *

The half-furred couple had only ventured a short way inside the woodland, whose ground was shaded beautifully by the dense leafed canopy, when they came across a small, though perfectly stable looking bridge, which lead the way over a trickling stream, which seemed to slight in appearance to be in need of such a crossing.

Nevertheless both centaur and satyr proceeded on their way and begun to pass over the structure, the sound of their hooves clacking gently upon the wooden surface delightfully echoing around the close, soft air.

As they approached the half-way point within the centre of the bridge, both forms flinched in surprise as a rather loud, rather drilling war cry, pierced about their ears.

When the reverberating rattle had ceased, the pair were rather shocked, and more than a little amused to find floating in front of them, a tiny, yet still quite imposing in that oh so self righteous way, a fairy, whom looked remarkable like the young ninja Yuffie, expect for her shrunken size and wing attachments.

She flew about energetically before landing confidently upon one of the wooden beams before them, her hands planted authoritatively on her non-existent hips, ''You shall not pass!''

''Oh great...'' Reno crossed his arms with a huff and raised his gaze to his upper left side, so as to glare at the centaur towering above him, ''See this is what happens when you become friends with annoying ninjas! They pop up in curse ridden magical worlds!''

Tifa couldn't help but giggle at both her boyfriend's annoyance and their current predicament with the fluttering fairy, ''Erm...listen we really need to pass...''

The new version of Yuffie was just about to start up again, when a hauntingly soft, rippling whistle floated through the wood, and as much as the centaur's height would allow her to see, it seemingly came from a whitened equine figure in the distance, who unlike Tifa was complete in form, with a beautifully golden horn perched upon his smooth lined cranium.

The satyr, whom couldn't see much at all with his rather stumpy height, seemed more than a little wigged by the experience and hissed at the two females, ''What was that?''

''Oh that's just the unicorn Cloud...he won't bother you...he just walks around the wood, mopping about and being sad...it's like some sort of hobby of his...'' Yuffie seemed rather disinterested by the subject as she ended with a groan of annoyance, ''I think it has something to do with him and that mermaid he's all obsessed with…'' She leaned in slightly now and whispered with a single raised eyebrow, ''Between you and me...I think he's got _issues_...''

Reno chuckled lightly,_ Well that does sound like Strife... _

Tifa seemed fractionally less amused, as she gave an unimpressed snort, ''Let me guess, the mermaid's called Aerith?''

''Huh? No, Sephiroth...''

Tifa raised her brow in amused surprise, whilst the red head brightened up with untameable delight, ''Sephiroth's a mermaid? Oh this I have got to see!''

''Well not a mermaid...more a merman...but he looks like a girl!''

''You know I'm beginning to like you more and more...'' The satyr trotted forward and leant against one of the raised beams, and brought his bearded face dangerous close to the fairy's and flashed her a charming smirk, ''You're quite the cute fairy you know that?''

Tifa glared down at her boyfriend and spoke with a tone of restrained anger, ''Reno...what do you think you're doing?''

''Talking to this-'' He gave a rumbling growl as the words slipped off his tongue, ''...gorgeous, sexy, beautifully toned-HEY!''

It seemed the part-equine could withhold herself no longer as she kicked the red head rather forcibly on the butt with a definitely powerful hoof, and she had soon grabbed him by the scruff of his beard and begun dragging him forwards over the bridge, her mind muttering to itself, _Great...my boyfriend hasn't just been turned into a satyr physically...he's gotten all the little 'obnoxiously flirtatious' traits as well..._

''What do you think you're doing? I said 'you shall not pass'...are you deaf of something?''

Tifa choose to ignore the obviously angered fairy, and gave an unimpressed, 'What are you gunna do about it' huff and had soon stormed across the wooden structure and both centaur and satyr were a good few metres away from the crossing when they heard the high-pitched, rattling war-cry once again followed by an ever so Yuffie-style threat, ''How dare you! You'll regret the day you ever crossed Yuffie the fairy!''

Although both seemed rather unconvinced by her words, they might have been slightly more concerned if they had seen the devious smirk that proceeded to form upon the small fairy's youthful face as she flew off into the wood, laughing mischievously.

* * *

They travelled on through the seemingly endless tree infested land, and before they knew it, the parts of visible sky had begun to darken, forcing them rather abruptly to find a place to camp for the night.

It only took the pair a few minutes to find a suitable spot, their chosen site being a small, yet comfortably sized glade, in which the grass seemed to have shortened to a softly, untickling length and the space seemingly uninhabited by any other woodland creatures.

Tifa had been grumbling on and off for the past few hours, mostly about her stomach and the fact she was the size of...well a horse, not to mention her heightened clumsiness which seemed to be focused upon her new, four hoofed legs.

They'd only been sat together for a few moments, when the brunette started up again, receiving a rather tried groan of frustration from the red head.

''I wonder if there are any fruit trees around here? I'm so hungry!'' She began scouring the area eagerly with her crimson-hinted eyes.

His tone begun in a muted mutter, but progressed into an tired, ever so raised out-burst, ''Oh for crying out loud-Could you just shut up about your damn appetite!''

''Oh I see, so it's fine for you to go around flirting with anything that moves, but I'm not allowed to make one little compliant!''

The red head began flinging his arms about in desperation, as if trying to somehow enforce his point, ''You're half horse Tifa! What do you expect! And I can't help it either! I'm a satyr now, it's what we do!''

The half-equine gave an insulted huff before rising upon her four hooves, ''I'm going off to look for some food...''

She was barely a metre away when the satyr called out, in a playfully patronising voice, ''Well just make sure you don't strip this wood bare...other creatures need food too!''

The centaur's brunette locks rippled wildly as she swivelled round to face her pot-bellied boyfriend, ''You know you really are quite the ass!''

''Actually I think you'll find you're the ass!'' His tongue whipped out in a sort of self-triumph.

''That only works with donkeys... '' Tifa sighed and begun clacking away, her hooves thudding softly against the plant coated soil ''...twit.''

* * *

Reno sat alone under the twilight cloak, within the emerald glade, and soon found himself subconsciously munching upon the glistening dewy grass bunches, enjoying their fresh, hydrating taste like he would never be able to do as a human.

Just as he started on the third patch of plant-life, a large amount of rustling sounded from a nearby group of bushes which grew around the outside of the area, and soon a thin, yet rather large man crashed through the leaves with a metallic clunk.

He seemed out of breath, though relatively stable, but this changed when his flaming eyes locked upon the young satyr leaning against one of the trees opposite him, ''Wh-What are you doing here?''

The man's demeanour had changed in a flash, and now his whole form had begun to tremble somewhat violently.

Reno eyed him with some degree of suspicion, _Great...another freak to deal with...best make this simple..._ ''Erm...camping?''

''Where are my chains?'' The man shook again, as if a seemingly invisible jolt of pain had shot through his body.

The red head continued to observe his new 'friend' with confused interest, and after a few moments realisation seemed to strike, as his aquamarine eyes lit up, ''Vincent!...Oh man...don't tell me you're a vampire or something right?''

He gave a slight gasp, and ignoring the satyr's comment completely, the new Vincent repeated his desperate request, ''Chains! I need my chains!''

''Huh?'' Reno's lip curled slightly in a confused grimace, and began scanning the area for the wanted item, while letting smirking comments roll off his tongue, ''Well Vincent I never really saw you as the kinky one but you know...I guess it's-''...

''What? No I'm-'' The looming man howled somewhat naturally, before doubling over in pain, ''Run!''

The red furred satyr rose slightly, though his form seemingly remained transfixed, as he watched the young, flame eyed man jerk, and flinch, whilst his body ripped and changed upon him.

Within seconds, he had transformed completely, and there, upon the shaded grass, mere metres from the satyr, stood a hunched, gigantic, snarling, snapping, and really rather angry looking wolf.

Reno's eyes widened with a comic suddenness, ''Oh bollocks!'' and in a flash, his hooves had gone into overdrive, as his form sped off, as fast as his tiny trotters would carry him, with the lashing werewolf not far behind.


	3. Chapter 3: Learning and Listening

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: Chapter Three!...PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :)

**Chapter Three: Learning and Listening**

Reno had to admit, his satyr form wasn't exactly the fittest he'd ever been, but he did seem to be somewhat better at navigating himself through the wood than the rabid wolf, and he also seemed to be lot smarter, in some sense anyway, as after a rather desperate chase, and just when he was beginning to slow, he decided that hiding was probably the last opinion left to him, thus he proceeded to drive within a particularly large, twisted root mass, which seemingly worked as the transformed man dashed straight past him without a single sniff of suspicion.

Though after emerging from his successful hiding hollow, the red head realised, quite suddenly, that he was now, really quite lost, his chase having transported him into some unknown, and obviously unfamiliar part of the wood.

The young man sighed slightly, as a furry hand reached itself up and ran through his flame red locks, needing care not to prick himself upon the sharp horns planted within them,_ I hope Tifa is ok..._

Deciding that he could do nothing but continue alone, and hope he'd cross paths with the brunette alone the way, the small satyr begun trotting through the woodland floor, which was considerably lessen in tree coverage and seemed somewhat fresher, and he soon found out the reason for this, when he nearly walked straight into a partly hidden lake, its large opening seemingly flowing down towards the unseen ocean.

Though the water feature was massive in size, that was not the part that shocked him, what really surprised him about his new find, was that right within the centre of water, upon a smooth rock formation, sat a glistening mermaid, or rather merman, with silver flowing locks, which he seemed to be plaiting absent-mindedly, whilst his scaled tail shone with a light blue glimmer.

''Sephiroth?''

The half-fish, half-beautiful, if slightly insane young male, turned his brilliant green eyes upon the red head, and soon a menacing grimace had appeared upon his snarling lips, ''Ergh! What a disgusting beast...Kadaj, Yazoo, Loz! Get rid of this...thing!''

Suddenly, a group of three silver scaled fish jumped from the lakes endless depth, and begun swimming towards Reno, whom was finding the whole thing rather amusing, which only increased when they begun springing from the water, in a rather comical display.

The first one whom came into sight with the red head, had a somewhat blackness coated upon his scales, and a clear array of locks, which flowed to a middle length, ''Have you got Mother?''

The satyr raised an eyebrow, _Hello Kadaj..._

''Yes, have you stolen Mother?'' The second inquiry had come from the obvious fishy form of Yazoo, whom had silvery locks that were so great in length that they were somewhat entangled about his fins.

The third fish however, whose small tuft of fluff labelled him as Loz, did not hound Reno, in fact, he didn't seem to be interested in him at at, and rather more in interested in enjoying his bouncing fit upon the water's surface, as he let out a ''Weee!'' of excitement.

''Right...'' Reno seemed to be finding it a hard task to withhold his chuckles of amusement, ''...and how exactly do you indent to attack me when you clearly have no legs on which to stand?''

The longer haired brother poked his fishy lips from the engulfment of water, ''Why would we need legs?''

Kadaj jumped up, coming mere centimetres form the red head's nose, and shouted rather proudly, ''Legs are foolish!''

Reno waited for an equally defiant comment from the oldest brother, though when he scanned the lake's surface, he found Loz's small tuft sticking out from underneath the reflective liquid, surrounding by an array of bubbles, which the fishy form seemed to be bowling enthusiastically.

''Uh huh...but you see...I'm on the _ground_ ...and you're fish...how are you gunna get anywhere near me?''

The finned brothers look at one another in confused thought, before Kadaj, the obvious leader, turned towards the merman upon the rocks, whom was now stroking his own muscular chest, ''This one is smart Master...''

Sephiroth gave a sigh of annoyance, and rubbed his temple, as though the way to attack was obvious, and then without warning, he reached down and picked up the slippery Loz, whom was floating relatively near, and was about to hurl him straight at the red furred satyr, when a haunting, yet familiar whistle echoed through the air, making him loose concentration, as he dropped the fishy form back with a 'plop' and begun scanning the area with an over-played dramatic desperation, ''Cloud?''

Reno decided to use this distraction to slip away unseen, having had quite enough of the Lake ridden, and clearly quite unhinged fishes, though he was barely five minutes from the area when he heard two, low, rumbling roars of attack, and before he could even think about defending himself, he found his form being hurled to the ground with a definitive thump, pinning him, face first, to the ground.

''Ah get off me! What's going on?''

''Nice one boys!''

Reno brow furrowed slightly against the hard surface of the soil, on which it was pressed, _I know that voice..._ ''Tifa?''

* * *

A harsh, slightly gruff voice sounded by the red head's ear, as a small weight leant against his shoulder, ''Do you want us to kill this hairy fuc-''

The feminine voice rang out once again, ''Oh no! No, no...no...this is the guy I was telling you about!''

Reno felt his back lighten slightly, before he was quickly pulled to his feet by three pairs of hands, two of which were definitely foreign to him, though when his gaze latched upon the centaur in front of him, his curiosity seemed to die away, as he flung himself upon one of her legs, grasping it firmly in a tight embrace.

''Tifa! I've missed you so much! What happened?''

The brunette seemed somewhat pleased with the desperate attention she was receiving, as a wide, warm smile spread across her pale pink lips, ''Well when you disappeared...I went off looking for you, though I didn't have much luck, but then I ran into these little guys...''

The red head pulled himself away to get a good view at Tifa's new friends, and his previous ambushers, only to find, much to his personal embarrassment, two, really quite small, green coated gnomes, whom were both viewing the satyr with a degree of distrust and skepticism.

Tifa made a gesture at the two, really quite cute form, ''This is Cid and Barret...''

''That's great...'' The red furred satyr raised an eyebrow in sarcastic interest.

''…and they know where the cure is.''

This seemed to perk up Reno instantly, as he whirled his head around in surprised delight, ''They do!''

The gnome, whom the satyr took to be Barret, jumped up and pulled his tail in some sort of display of strength and higher authority, ''Oh course we do fool!''

''Well then...what are we waiting for?'' The red head scrambled up so his was sat upon Tifa's equine back, ''Let's go get that Materia!''

* * *

After about half an hour of solid trekking and various insults directed at the satyr by their two gnome guides, the pair came to a stop in front of a dark, rather ominous looking cave face, which, according to both Cid and Barret, held the unique Materia.

The brunette studying the opening, before turning towards to two, much smaller form's whom had brought her there, ''So we just...go in there...and...get it?''

''Yes!...and no.'' The gnome version of Barret had lowered his gaze to the floor as if ashamed of the forgotten detail.

Reno's brow furrowed intently, ''I don't like the sound of that...''

It seemed to be Cid's turn to pipe up now, though his voice was rather gruff, no doubt due to the cigarette seemingly attached between his lips, the item looking rather comic on such a creature, ''It's guarded see! By a vicious three-headed creature...I've heard it can take you're head off with one snap!''

Reno looked about ready to wet himself, ''And you couldn't have told us this earlier!''

The gnome puffed out a billow of dark grey smoke, ''Well you never asked!''

The red head looked angry enough to have kettle steam whistling from his horns, and spotting this, Tifa decided it was time to part ways, turning to the two gnomes and smiling gratefully, ''Thank you guys...really!''

Cid grinned through his cigarette wisps, ''No problem sweetheart, and come over for a cuppa any time you like!''

''Erm no thanks...I don't like tea.''

The white, death-stick fell from his mouth, the shook having caused him to loose all control of his facial muscles, as they fell into shock, his voice only returning when the brunette and her boyfriend had headed within the cave, as he turned to his friend and shook his head in disappointment, ''All the good looking girls are crazy...''

* * *

As they walked further into the darkened cavern, the transformed couple seemed to draw themselves together, and soon they were mere millimetres from one another, out of both fear and an uncomfortable need to be close.

After a few more quiet moments had pasted, the red head shuffled even closer, coming straight into contact with Tifa's leg, and looked up at her with an arched brow, and an apologetic look, ''I'm sorry about earlier...I'm sorry about all of this...it's my fault.''

A weary, yet light sigh escaped past the young centaur's soft, parted lips, ''No it's not...I shouldn't have dragged you to the museum to begin with...''

''True...but I didn't listen...so how about...we agree it's both our faults hm?''

He shone her a charming smirk, which seemed oddly out of place upon such a creature, though this Reno trademark seemed to lighten up the mood immediately, and soon the brunette was smiling warmly, ''Deal.''

The shortened satyr stroked the side of Tifa's stomach playfully, ''Oh and I still think you're beautiful you know...even with that massive butt.''

The pair had begun to giggle together, when a strangely familiar, feminine voice boomed around the hard, rock formed walls, ''Halt! Who goes there?''

Tifa's mouth wavered open in a trembling shock, whilst Reno let out a snort of amusement, as he observed the creature in front of them; it was a dog of sorts, though not any breed you'd find back on Gaia, due to both its massive size and to the triplet of heads it seemed to possess, each one being in fact, co-worker's of the red headed satyr. Elena's head loomed over closest to Reno, he could tell it was her from the deep chocolate eyes and the blonde highlights dotted about her fur, Tseng was on the opposite side, his fur noticeably darker in shade, whilst their was a definitely unique blackened patch upon his forehead, and Rude was housed in the middle, his identity clear from the shades perched over his eyes, which was a highly entertaining image for the red head, whom found the concept of a dog wearing sunglasses incredibly funny.

Though the thing that really caught his eye was the small, wooden box played a metre from their pawed, clawed and rather dangerous looking feet.

Suddenly realising the obvious, the young satyr smiled, and his face brightened with the entrance of an idea, ''Hey Laney!''

The blonde canine looked down at him in disgust, ''Look at that...his fur's so untidy!''

Tseng's brow furrowed as he poked his head around to view his other attachment, ''Elena, we're meant to be biting off his limbs...not complaining about his hygiene.''

''Yes but...it's just so...so...ergh! I mean really...what is it with males and personal grooming!''

The raven shaded canine turned to the head nearer to his own, ''Rude, make her stop moaning and hurry up and eat this intruder!''

There was a definitive pause, before the shaded head muttered out, in a deep rumble, ''...Why do I have to do it?''

''Because you're closest- oh..well that's just great...'' Tseng's gaze had lowered to check on their newest victims, only to find both furred forms gone and the box they'd been charge to guard, taken.

He shot a glare at Elena whom quickly averted her gaze, muttering quietly, ''Sorry Sir...''

A few seconds pasted in which the three headed creature fidgeted about, in some sort of restless boredom, and soon the blonde flecked female had gotten over her past mishap and was staring around brightly at the neighbouring heads, ''You wanna play I-spy?''

Tseng raised an eyebrow, as though trying to appear unimpressed, though after a few fleeting moments, he nodded his head swiftly, ''Yeah ok.''

Elena giggled excitedly, ''Yay! Ok, I spy with my little eye something beginning with C!''

''Is it cave?''

''Yeah!''

* * *

Both Tifa and Reno collapsed upon the emerald grass blades, each beaming with self pride, at their mastered retrieval of the box and its contents, though this was somewhat short lived, as when the satyr lifted the polished wooden lid, they found not a cure Materia, but a small hand-written note, which had been bordered with scribbled hearts and cartoon flowers.

_'I-O-U Yuffie the Fairy- That'll teach you suckers to try and insult my greatness!'_

''You've got to be kidding me!'' Tifa's face fell as she finished reading the note, though it's shade soon flared warningly as a wave of angered frustration pasted through her.

The red head hauled himself up upon his trotters, and smiled confidently, ''Don't worry Tif, we'll get that cure! Come on!'' he held out a rather unnecessary hand to the brunette, whom took it anyway out of kindness, and also curiosity, ''We're gunna go see a fairy...''

* * *

''Well done!'' The formless voice echoed once again around the impossible room, though this time, it definately sounded a large degree happier than it did the first time round.

''No problem...'' Reno gave a mock salute, before lowering his arm with a tired sort of flop.

Both he and the brunette centaur were laying upon the invisible floor, their forms finally succumbing to exhaustion, after days trailing around in woodland, and a very effective ambush of the fairy Yuffie, in which Tifa had used her muscled butt to sit upon her several times, and Reno had persuaded the return of their sought after item by threatening to kiss her, they had begun to look rather ragged.

After a few moments of catch-up breathing, the half-equine observed the Materia clasped within her five soft fingers, ''So now what?''

The unseen speaker's excited chuckle rang throughout the room, ''Throw the Materia high above and I'll do the rest! If it works you'll return to museum and I'll return to my own time period.''

The brunette gave a hesitantly deep sigh, _Here it goes... _and as she threw the magical sphere into the air, she clasped hooves with the satyr by her side.

Before either could realise that the voice had performed the cure, a dark, thick cloud of smooth, velvety smoke surrounded them, and a sudden sleepiness grew within their forms, forcing them to collapse upon the unseen floor.

* * *

Tifa rubbed her arm as she lifted herself up from her sprawled out position upon the cold, smooth floor, and when she did so, she was extremely pleased to find that she no longer possessed a tail, hooves or a massive horse butt.

A groan sounded from her left, where she soon found a dishevelled looking red head, whom it seemed had gained a rather dulling headed ache, and was now rubbing his hands through his flame shaded spikes in some sort of attempt to quell the pain.

The brunette scanned the room, and was very pleased to find herself looking at the masses of historical artefacts, ''We're back...'' She took a quick glance at the clock face upon the wall with the exit door, only to find not a single second has passed since their original departure, _Just like in the movies..._

When the pair had straightened themselves out and properly adjusted to their old, yet somewhat new bodies, Tifa pulled her de-furred boyfriend in a soft embrace, whilst mummering into his suited chest, ''I love you Re, you know that right?''

''Of course, I love you too Tifa...'' The red head brushed a couple of slender fingers along her jaw line, before raising her chin, and planting a melt-worthy, deeply warming kiss and when they finally parted, there lips lingered close by one another's, and every outward breath could be felt, like a comforting breeze, tingling against their facial senses.

''But one thing...''

The brunette locked gaze with the young Turk, a slight worried confusion flashing beneath her crimson-hinted eyes, ''What?''

''Let's not go to a museum again...ever...ok?''

Tifa let out a light chuckle of relief and smiled widely, as she entwined her fingers within the red head's, ''Next time it'll be Cadbury world all the way...''


End file.
